well bless your heart...

(via)

As most people likely know at this point, I continue to have no free time. I only have time to think in figments of 140 characters, and at this moment I am doing some homework, blogging, and watching ABC's Nightline, because I have been negligent to change the channel since I was watching the Bachelor before. Life is excellent, and I kind of can't wait for February to end. Our peak time at work is about to start with the beginning of March, and everything is thawing out. I like that spring feeling.

I told one of my friends recently that I hadn't really been in touch with, "I never have time to talk to people, so you should probably just talk to me...I am still alive." And that's about all I have time to say. I can't wait to finish my semester and then really start my life, again.

I am currently...
Really enjoying watching Mike Huckabee duck hunting. Where is the remote?
Off of Facebook for over a year now, it's how I have gotten all this work done.
Obsessed with and addicted to hot yoga. Namaste.

VOW

I love this man.

Things that are self explanitory...

(via thatssowoolard)

Somewhat related to the last, found while being a complete blog stalker.

later, 2010

I think the crazy thing about this new year is that it is the end of another decade. The end of the 90s was a big deal, the first decade I really saw the end of, ringing in the new century, millenium, etc. Will Smith made a terrible song about it, it was big news. This decade, not so much. I just hope someday it will be looked back upon like I look at the 70s and 80s, my kids will say "I am jealous you got to live then."

Probs not. Anyways...

2010 was an important year for me though. Many lessons learned. I think the all encompassing theme is "If it doesn't make you happy, stop." If you don't like your job, take steps to do something else. If you don't like your relationships, end them. If you're tired of your haircolor, dye it. again. And the list goes on. There are definite positives and negatives with huge changes in jobs, friends, and life, but I think all of that experience amounts to a part of life, a very important one.

I really feel like this was the year where I took control of doing things for me. I grew up. I realized what situations I was putting myself in and made them better. I will be finishing up school in May, and from there I can take my new career anywhere. Not to mention completely support myself anywhere I choose to go. Do I have any better grasp of what I am doing with my life? Absolutely not. And I love it. I just know what is possible, what I can make happen for myself. I am so young, the world is my oyster. Literally.

A wise person said to me eariler this year (paraphrasing) "You need to fucking do something for yourself. I'm tired of seeing you put things aside to make everyone else happy. If it makes you happy, do it, and if anyone something to say, fuck them. They don't matter."

Thank you, wise person, for that advice. Opportunity seized. Bring it on, 2011.

Life Advice - 5 Winter driving tips...

As many of you know, I originally grew up in Connecticut. A place of snow and ice in the winter, and with that, the necessity of driving and living with these acts of nature. Seeing I now live in a city where every interstate is clogged by a wreck at the site of rain, here is my advice for driving in the winter.

1. Parking lots are the worst part. So if you're looking at the apartment parking lot, and the outlook is grim, that may be the worst part of your day. Also avoid other errands requiring parking lots. Chances are, you will slip on ice and bust your ass. Travel with caution.

2. Don't get cocky. Yes, you have a Jeep. Yes, you're the best driver ever. Yes, you are a guy and as a woman I have no right to tell you how to drive. Seriously though, don't try stupid things and wreck your car. Avoid being that guy. It's not impressive. First hand experience talking.

3. Downshifting. On scary hills, downshift your car. When you are driving and you feel like it might go badly, downshift. Just do it.

4. If your car has a button with a W, that stands for "winter", use this button.

5. Brush off your car. Seriously. Nothing pisses people off like someone in a snow coated car in front of them dumping their load all over the road and other windshields. Plus, you're screwed if the snow on your roof falls in the other direction and blinds you on the highway. I am sure people have died from this.

Please feel free contact me if you have questions. After all, I know how to drive in the snow, it's everyone else I am worried about.

Season's Greetings

My coworker printed this gem out for me and hung it in my cube.
In case you cannot see it, the full title is "Seasons Greetings from Daryl Hall and John Oates"

I can't say it any better. Have a great Christmas, y'all!

Life Lessons: Don't be a Camille

I think we all know by now that I watch more of the Real Housewives franchises than any sane person probably should, but they are probably some of the most entertaining things on television. Everyone needs a guilty pleasure, and these happen to last all year. The only one I really tired of was New Jersey, purely because there was WAY too much Danielle Staub for me to enjoy it. That and Teresa's family might be bankrupt...and that just makes me uncomfortable. Oh and Jacqueline's felon daughter or whatever, it was too much.

That being said, I am way into the Atlanta and Beverly Hills franchises right now, finding both ridiculously enjoyable. Pretty much except for one person...Camille.



This woman is insane. Wow. I don't even know where to begin. Okay wait, let's start with the fact that she goes ahead and tells all of these women that she has four nannys for her two children that she had with a surrogate. I don't see the need to advertise that to a group of women, most of whom actually had children or currently have them, and they tend to interact with their children. That's what normal people do. She also was a total skank with other people's husbands...but that is one of those two sided deals. Until she started talking about when she got her implants removed. Why exactly would you make normal conversation about your breast implants, or lack thereof, or how yours are amazing...it just doesn't have to come up. Also consistently mentioning that her husband is an A-List celebrity, making her somehow higher in the pecking order than everyone else on the show. If you're defining yourself by your husband, that is a whole other set of problems you need to talk about.
The huge thing that bothers me is something of course that I have seen real people do in my life. She basically took some comment that Kyle (a housewife I kind of adore) made and lied about what she said, and what she meant. Causing drama where drama is not due is so beyond inappropriate. I don't understand how anyone could run their life off of making conflict with others. Why exactly does she want to cause a fight with everyone on the show? Camille is not the first, nor the last, person to engage in it, but it's just so unbearable. The worst part are those people who sit around her saying "Kyle and the other wives are just jealous..." What? Nobody is ever jealous of Camille. You deal with that until you no longer have to. Its not fun.

So, that brings me to my life lesson...
Don't be a Camille. Kelsey Grammer will leave you. And you'll be that awkward one at the Andy Cohen reunion special that nobody wants to sit with on the couch.

Sorostitute part II

Here are some links to brighten your average day...
Total Frat Move
and
Sorostitute Stories

Amazing.

The last two weeks.

As work has been picking up, and school has been making its final push towards the end of the semester, I have found myself very busy most of the time. Just to give you an idea of the typical day I go through...
6:15am - Rise and shine (it's really dark)
somewhere around 8:30am - arrive at work
9:00am - morning coffee. I have to add, my workplace has fresh Dunkin Donuts coffee every day, complete with a frequent buyers card. I am almost to my free cup!
noonish - lunch.
somewhere between 4:30 and 4:45pm, leave to go home, grab my things, and go to class for the rest of the night.
class 6-9pm.

So pretty much after class I kinda come home, sit in a cone of silence, maybe text with someone or something, and go to sleep to some sort of crappy tv show. Like Roseanne. That is, if I do not have a pressing project or assignment that would take precedence and keep me up later. I go from thing to thing all day, every day. I am really looking forward to the semester's break coming up, but also really enjoying having so much to do right now. I think it is having such little time to yourself that makes you cherish the simple random things so much more. And also it makes you want to do more with what time you have to yourself, not to waste time with trivial or stressful things.

The past two weekends have been perfect examples of that. Two weekends ago was the homecoming game. I went with a few of my close friends, and ran into several others. There is something about State having a good football season that makes the tailgating more fun. At homecoming Best and I did the traditional tailgate hop, had conversations about Yurman and wore dresses and boots. We ran into her brother, who supplied our tickets, and wound up hanging out at an RV tailgate where we got impromptu shagging lessons. On Sunday when I was telling someone "we shagged in front of the RV" they looked at me a little weird...then realized I was talking about the actual dance. Either way, it was just kind of epic. Who ever thought as a meer freshman in the dirt lot that as an alum I would be hanging out by the RV section getting life advice from people older than my parents. Epic.

This past weekend I did not want to go out, I was in kind of a funk from the week. On Saturday we did win our game, and a celebration was proposed. We went to dinner for Michelle's sister's birthday, and then headed down to our new preppy hangout spots. It is kind of like grown up Hillsborough scene, only with a mix of people. It's just not downtown. There is nobody in an Affliction teeshirt, and pretty much where those people are not, that is the place I should be. We ran into our old friend from the beach named Steele Magnolias (not really), and it was kind of a trip. Ran into a couple old coworkers as well who said they went there often, so I may have to keep it going. It was really just one of those nights where I almost called it early, had zero expectations, but then it was so much better.

Pretty much when my life hasn't felt like a bad episode of the Housewives of BH recently, it has been excellent. I am becoming more comfortable with my position and meeting more people at work, becoming more comfortable with the city I am in and those who are around me. I feel like the years right post college are an exercise in uncertainty. I feel like I am finally reaching a point where I see a bit of a path ahead of me, and it is kind of clear as to where I am going. There is still room for interpretation though, I like that.

I know Thanksgiving is in a few days, and this is really extremely cheesy, but I think all of this right now is something to be thankful for.

That and us beating Carolina.
Just sayin.

VOW

This song came up earlier this week on a Pandora station I was listening to at work (Hootie and the Blowfish radio...I can elaborate later), and it just reminded me of my beloved FC. Probably because the song came out when I was like, seven years old, and it was my mothers favorite song at the time. Or maybe its because people in the FC like this sort of thing. I didn't watch the whole video, but I don't think its massively innapropriate. So now I am obsessed with this song, and probably alot of the 90s in general.

Blues Traveler - Hook



As an aside, I am also really busy with my job, and the semester wrapping up. Forgive me for my lack of postings. I just wind up coming home and either being busy or exhausted most of the time. Such is life. Once things slow down, or I have to procrastinate to some degree, I will be back in the blogosphere.

Finally.

Tonight on Jeopardy there was a clue that went something like this...

Q: "This rapper was featured on the show Degrassi: The Next Generation as a basketball player and a victim of school violence"

A: Who is DRAKE.

I don't quite remember the clue exactly, but finally...the obvious has been publicly admitted. Thanks, Jeopardy.

So I'm alive.

I love my new job.

But much like Mozilla Firefox here, I am just kind of busy. Actually I love this error message, no wonder I don't use IE.



I am also waiting to see if California legalizes. Got to love election season.

Dear Lindsay Lohan

(Vanity Fair)

I really am not sure why, but I really am holding out hope for Lindsay Lohan. I just have to take a moment to share my thoughts.

I have talked to several people who are about my age, and tried to figure out why Lindsay kind of means a lot to us. It's more or less the older crowd, or the men who say, "I just wish that mess would go away." Most young women I have spoken to recently about her feel very much the same way that I do, we want her to make a comeback, we like her, she intrigues us, we just want to see her act right for once and stop fucking up. I am one of those who would really like to see her prove her naysayers wrong, go to rehab, get out, and come out being some sort of success a la Robert Downey Jr. Ever since she broke on the scene in the Parent Trap, I could identify with her. She would be my really cool friend in school or something. She just seemed so normal. I think the fact that she grew up on Long Island helped, she was relatively local.
As she grew up in our generation, she was just exposed to everything that we all would probably have been exposed to at the same time if we were in her situation. I feel like Lindsay is really who most of us would have ended up being if we were exposed to such things, if we were the ones in Hollywood doing that at that time. It at least makes me wonder if, faced with all of the same circumstances, how I would have turned out. She also always played a character that we could all see ourselves being, we could identify with all of her movies. It was kind of intriguing to see her go out and party with Paris and Nicole, and get skinny and super fashionable. Then the whole crime thing started, the upskirt/no panty flashing, and she started getting to be a hot mess. The whole Samantha Ronson thing too...random.

We are now at the point where we have seen she just blatantly understand our system of justice, and cries in court when really, she could be getting a worse sentence. And everyone seems to know as well as she does that we will not serve the whole time. I just want to see her, this time, being less of a hot mess. Like go chill at Betty Ford, get your life together. Ignore your dad, he's terrible. I really would like to see either a full force comeback, or her to fall into civilian life and mysteriously show up as a soccer mom somewhere in a few years.

You do you Lindsay, and get back in the game.

@23.5

A few days ago was my half birthday. I was thinking how much my life has changed since my birthday.

When I turned 23, I was completely at my wits end with my job. I didn't know what I would do at all. Right after my birthday, I started looking into going back to school. Within a week or two, I applied, and pretty much hitched onto the idea that I was quitting my job and going back to school. I knew about school in June, and had to stick it out until August to quit. In that time, I got in trouble at work for what I had written on an evaluation, and looking generally "mean" or "upset" all the time. I have actually gotten the "you look unhappy" a lot lately. I am not sure why, but I think my face might just look that way. I am a happy person. Maybe I am just thinking.

Either way, I look at then, and I look at now. My whole life has completely changed. I am getting a new job, I am waist deep into school. I am going to be making more money just by completing part of the training I am taking right now. By May I will have earning power, and a career I can take anywhere, which I may think about. I had probably one of the most amazing summers ever. I just feel like now I have it together, and I am going places, and it only took 6 months.

I also got 100 hits on my blog in one day yesterday, so I think I am kind of freaked out. And in celebration of my new job, I bought a few items. Mostly essentials. I think I will wait for my first check to get some more decadent things.

Well, I'm done waving my own flag for now. Y'all have a good weekend.

Fail?

I was reading emails when I parked at my apartment and saw that RueLaLa was having a Ray Ban boutique today. I all but sprinted into my house to get to my computer. They did not have anything worthwhile, and even some printed wayfarers (that I would have considered at that discount) were sold out already. Fail.



This is what I am looking for. I like the shape, and I need something different for a change. And it will add to my rotation of glasses. I will probably purchase these within the next few days because 1, I am a sucker for Ray Ban, and 2, I have a job now. More on that later too.

I kind of love this

"That’s why I pick and choose, I don’t get shit confused
I got a small circle, I’m not with different crews
We walk the same path, but got on different shoes
Live in the same building, but we got different views"

- "Right Above It" Weezy and Drake

My apartment.

I have lived, over the past three years, in two very student-ish, very typical living arrangements. For junior and senior year of college, I lived in a huge complex of townhomes devoted to students. If you can picture this, it had dirt and filth all over the complex. Parties of all sorts, trash all over the place. Beer being poured down stairwells for hours. I mean, not really, but it's nowhere that anyone who wasn't in college would choose to reside. Theoretically, it would be a cesspool.

Last year I lived in a wonderful house. It was a split level in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood near to my alma mater, it had partied hard in its time, and we inherited it in kind of bad shape. The landlord made several repairs, we kept it up and on point, and it really was the best place I have lived so far. Minus the weird part about the downstairs always being cold. But it could have been too hot all the time...so I will take it. You can always put more clothes on.

Anyways, this year we had trouble finding a house, it was stressful. I think I have somewhat addressed that in here. We settled on an apartment complex which is the most expensive place I have personally ever had to pay for, and also had great hearsay recommendations from several people I knew at work. My roomates know residents as well who seem to love it.

Somehow maybe we got the short end of the stick on this place. We have had every maintenance issue imaginable, bug issues. I found a roach in my bed. I have killed more insects in this one apartment than the two other properties described above, which isn't really what I expected to have to be doing. The maintenance staff is rude and always treats issues like the dishwasher not working as something that is your fault. Because obviously my roomates and I are a bunch of dishwasher and AC saboteurs. It's just kind of ridiculous.

Having worked in customer service in an arena people find aggravating, their bank accounts, I don't understand how these people handle their situations. Banks, houses, and cell phone customer service are probably the hardest and most essential. And car insurance. You have to take a certain degree of care with people, because they are mad, it's always super important, and most likely the customer doesn't always get it like the employee does.

At some point, the people who clean compulsively are not responsible for their bug problem. They probably didn't cause buildup in the dishwasher because of dish soap (really, has anyone else heard of that). I think the horrible thing is that it has gotten to be a situation where I don't want to deal with it anymore. I have had so many bad experiences it's like I just have to give up. Maintenance people come in and shrug their shoulders, I have even gotten attitude from the Orkin man at this complex. You're the Orkin man, you kill insects. As a woman who is age 23 and into clean things, you should understand your job is very important. I want my bugs killed now. What do people pay you for? I don't want an attitude.

I am just kind of fed up. Can't wait to move out of this place eventually. And yes, if any of you can believe it, University Suites was one of the cleanest and most cooperative places I have ever lived. Who ever thought that place would be one of my better experiences.

VOW - Bed Intruder Song

This is the one viral I will ever make VOW. But this song has been in my head for a week or more now. I also have talked to some people this week who hadn't heard it. So yeah, feel my pain. He also performed this last night on the BET awards, so I guess that makes it relevant in music as well.

The Bed Intruder Song - Antoine Dodson and the Gregory Brothers



hide ya kids, hide ya wife.

A deep thought, followed by other shallow ones.

I don't expect many deep things to go up on my blog, ever. Or come out of my mouth for that matter in real life conversation. In the past few years, as at least EC has attested to, I have turned from one of those people who is just plain uncomfortable with emotions, into one of those people who actually feels things once in awhile. A closer degree of normal. Along with my stone cold exterior, I had an interior to match that never quite went away. I had boyfriends and dated and talked to people that I didn't care about, they were boring, they annoyed me, but I felt like I needed some name to fit a role and fill in a blank once in awhile. These were people I got bored of, pushed away, straight up ignored, and was kind of my own little single at the same time. It has taken a lot of thought over the past week into what I wanted to say in this entry, whether I wanted to write it and get all...personal. But I decided to go there. A majority of it was like, the last post made it look like I was over someone because they knew other people. Let's just say, I am not (that) retarded. Shocked, I was, red flag, maybe; but it wasn't the end-all be-all.

This all started on my birthday, my 23rd birthday, which was on a Tuesday. I celebrated the weekend before with friends at the beach, and a 23rd birthday on a Tuesday felt really old and not exciting. I was planning pretty much on doing nothing. I took the day off so that people wouldn't put me in a bad mood at work on my birthday. I had work tests that Monday and had studied. That night this guy texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out, or if I was doing anything for my birthday that night. I'd talked to him that weekend when I was at the beach for the first time in a really long while. This was a person I had known since the first week of freshman year of college. He lived with my first serious boyfriend (aka my "married" stage) and randomly contacted me at the beginning of senior year. He always tried to take me out or whatever, but I always had something else going on. Over the years our friendship manifested as "that guy" I would talk to about like "what is my bf thinking" or "why is this girl so gay to me at social functions." When we were 21, he started buying me drinks at functions instead of his dates. So then I had like, a date buying me stuff, and him buying it. Looking back on it, such is my life, epic. When I was a senior and got in a big fight with friends and bf at the same time, he took me to Bojangles and promised to still be my friend, even if I had no others. Last year when I was out with a guy from work, Best, her future stalker, EC, and various fratstars I had known for the duration of my undergrad, he showed up with them and called me after to make sure I was okay and told me it was good to see me. It was like, I was at Cookout, my phone rang, and in my confusion as to why he was calling I probably almost got hit by a car and like left by my traveling party, not to mention burned my tongue on a french fry.

Anyways on the night of that Monday, we made plans to hang out. Drank a couple beers on my back deck at my old house (house reminiscent entry coming soon), and wound up talking for a long time. Subsequently since I was a wreck about turning 23 and moving into being "old" (I understand this was dumb) he was like "well I will stick around till at least midnight so that nothing happens."

This birthday turned into dating. Which turned into the ups and downs of another relationship I was not looking for, but I fell into. The month before I think I literally said to someone, "It would have to fall into my lap for me to want to date anyone right now." This whole picture was different though, it was the first one where I didn't see myself getting bored. I don't think I saw it not working out, and I think he kind of felt the same way. We brought up futures, places to live, jobs to have, trips to take. We had a break, bumps in the road, a crazy ex girlfriend situation, all of that. It wasn't until last weekend that I really realized it wouldn't work. I have thought all week since, what would have happened if I had just kept him as a friend.

It all started with a random comment he made at dinner about how "you and your friends were always too cool for me" which like, yeah in college I think I had deemed myself and my friends really cool at some point, but I didn't think that translated. I felt bad that I had made this friend think I was too cool at any point. It was a weird feeling. Beyond that, we had fun. Then circa late o'clock we were eating somewhere else before going home, and he got into these self-depreciative things. It pretty much started with "You're too pretty for me" and ended with "Well I forgot to tell you I am never getting married, so I'm sorry you've been wasting your time." I think my facial expression was something like that really confused face Kelly K. Bensimon had on RHONYC when Bethenny said something was seriously wrong with her (see image at top of entry). That was not the point. Ever. It was then really over when the waitress commented on my lack of eating my food/appetite and he says, "yeah, she never has an appetite." What. Blow me.

This whole thing goes back to that thing my mom and one of my best friends, CCF, always says, "If you're not happy with yourself, you can't try to be happy with someone else." Clearly, there is a missing link here. A growing up thing, experiences I have had in my one year working, and he is only starting now. It really hit me. There was speculation, but at that point it just was there. The elephant in the room sat down next to me and put it's arm on my shoulder. It's really sad to realize that this won't, and cannot work. I'm older, looking for other things, and apparently have done some sort of irreparable damage to this person's ego over several years. Or something that I was not aware of. And he really isn't the cocky bastard I always thought he was, and that's kind of what I look for. Someone's weird confidence to match mine. It's just a matter of getting along.

But I think the bottom line is that I miss my friend. The real "stupid girl" type shit I was doing was because this is a person I have known longer than most of my best friends, someone I could turn to with a problem or duck off with and have an epic two way conversation at a mundane event we were attending. Someone who bought me Bojangles one time for no reason and gave up their Saturday night to go to a movie and watch tv with me when I had the dreaded Mono. I am kind of hoping we can be friends. I don't know what friendly activities we can participate in, but hey, if he wants to acknowledge my presence in a room or group of people, that would be a start. Baby steps.

Anyways that's deep thoughts for you now. More shallow ones are on tap to follow.

no more Circle.

"The Circle" started at the beginning of senior year of college, by my good friend BKE and I. The concept is fairly simple, we attended a large state university with an undergraduate population of 24,741, according to Forbes Magazine in 2010. So like, everyone should not know eachother. You pass numerous nameless faces on campus each day, and you do not know them. You will never know them.

So how exactly did everyone we dated, knew, met, etc. know everyone else. It all started when I met a seemingly random guy one Thursday at Free Fun, you KNOW what I am talking about, and it turned out not only did he know a friend of a friend (who I am now friends with) from his high school, he also lived with four brothers of a frat in a house I was at every weekend sophomore year. The more and more we met people, we realized everyone was "in the circle." How did we get out of this circle?

Well the feeling of "circle" had subsided since graduating. I met people at work that I did not know from State, met people from other universities, they may have known people, but not to that creepy degree of roomatedom. Unfortunately for me, the Circle resurfaced this weekend. I have been dating someone who has, without a doubt, always been in "The Circle." We've known eachother since the first week of freshman year, our Greek chapters did everything together (I kind of started that...) and at this point it's one of those things where I've never not known him. I have to say though, I apparently didn't know everything about him. So we got to talking this weekend about college, and he mentioned that a couple years of his career were spent on the rugby team. (Some of you will not need an explanation) Basically he knew an ex boyfriend of mine, and his friends, fairly well from being on the team with them. In five seconds I realized my world was entirely too small, and I kind of (really, legitimately) wanted to vomit.

So here it is, my solution to this problem. I will date people exclusively that did not go to NC State. I cannot, because apparently we all know everyone. The nameless, faceless people on campus are clearly all mirages, and do not exist. I will not date people who, even nationally, were in the same organizations that exes were in. They all probably know each other. The nation is too small. I will also date nobody younger than 25. That's mostly a maturity thing, but also that is breaking the previous age range of people I know. If there are older people, it decreases the chance of them being in the Circle. Maybe also if I seek out people from the north.

I guess relocation is also an option.