Things that are self explanitory...

(via thatssowoolard)

Somewhat related to the last, found while being a complete blog stalker.

later, 2010

I think the crazy thing about this new year is that it is the end of another decade. The end of the 90s was a big deal, the first decade I really saw the end of, ringing in the new century, millenium, etc. Will Smith made a terrible song about it, it was big news. This decade, not so much. I just hope someday it will be looked back upon like I look at the 70s and 80s, my kids will say "I am jealous you got to live then."

Probs not. Anyways...

2010 was an important year for me though. Many lessons learned. I think the all encompassing theme is "If it doesn't make you happy, stop." If you don't like your job, take steps to do something else. If you don't like your relationships, end them. If you're tired of your haircolor, dye it. again. And the list goes on. There are definite positives and negatives with huge changes in jobs, friends, and life, but I think all of that experience amounts to a part of life, a very important one.

I really feel like this was the year where I took control of doing things for me. I grew up. I realized what situations I was putting myself in and made them better. I will be finishing up school in May, and from there I can take my new career anywhere. Not to mention completely support myself anywhere I choose to go. Do I have any better grasp of what I am doing with my life? Absolutely not. And I love it. I just know what is possible, what I can make happen for myself. I am so young, the world is my oyster. Literally.

A wise person said to me eariler this year (paraphrasing) "You need to fucking do something for yourself. I'm tired of seeing you put things aside to make everyone else happy. If it makes you happy, do it, and if anyone something to say, fuck them. They don't matter."

Thank you, wise person, for that advice. Opportunity seized. Bring it on, 2011.

Life Advice - 5 Winter driving tips...

As many of you know, I originally grew up in Connecticut. A place of snow and ice in the winter, and with that, the necessity of driving and living with these acts of nature. Seeing I now live in a city where every interstate is clogged by a wreck at the site of rain, here is my advice for driving in the winter.

1. Parking lots are the worst part. So if you're looking at the apartment parking lot, and the outlook is grim, that may be the worst part of your day. Also avoid other errands requiring parking lots. Chances are, you will slip on ice and bust your ass. Travel with caution.

2. Don't get cocky. Yes, you have a Jeep. Yes, you're the best driver ever. Yes, you are a guy and as a woman I have no right to tell you how to drive. Seriously though, don't try stupid things and wreck your car. Avoid being that guy. It's not impressive. First hand experience talking.

3. Downshifting. On scary hills, downshift your car. When you are driving and you feel like it might go badly, downshift. Just do it.

4. If your car has a button with a W, that stands for "winter", use this button.

5. Brush off your car. Seriously. Nothing pisses people off like someone in a snow coated car in front of them dumping their load all over the road and other windshields. Plus, you're screwed if the snow on your roof falls in the other direction and blinds you on the highway. I am sure people have died from this.

Please feel free contact me if you have questions. After all, I know how to drive in the snow, it's everyone else I am worried about.

Life Lessons: Don't be a Camille

I think we all know by now that I watch more of the Real Housewives franchises than any sane person probably should, but they are probably some of the most entertaining things on television. Everyone needs a guilty pleasure, and these happen to last all year. The only one I really tired of was New Jersey, purely because there was WAY too much Danielle Staub for me to enjoy it. That and Teresa's family might be bankrupt...and that just makes me uncomfortable. Oh and Jacqueline's felon daughter or whatever, it was too much.

That being said, I am way into the Atlanta and Beverly Hills franchises right now, finding both ridiculously enjoyable. Pretty much except for one person...Camille.



This woman is insane. Wow. I don't even know where to begin. Okay wait, let's start with the fact that she goes ahead and tells all of these women that she has four nannys for her two children that she had with a surrogate. I don't see the need to advertise that to a group of women, most of whom actually had children or currently have them, and they tend to interact with their children. That's what normal people do. She also was a total skank with other people's husbands...but that is one of those two sided deals. Until she started talking about when she got her implants removed. Why exactly would you make normal conversation about your breast implants, or lack thereof, or how yours are amazing...it just doesn't have to come up. Also consistently mentioning that her husband is an A-List celebrity, making her somehow higher in the pecking order than everyone else on the show. If you're defining yourself by your husband, that is a whole other set of problems you need to talk about.
The huge thing that bothers me is something of course that I have seen real people do in my life. She basically took some comment that Kyle (a housewife I kind of adore) made and lied about what she said, and what she meant. Causing drama where drama is not due is so beyond inappropriate. I don't understand how anyone could run their life off of making conflict with others. Why exactly does she want to cause a fight with everyone on the show? Camille is not the first, nor the last, person to engage in it, but it's just so unbearable. The worst part are those people who sit around her saying "Kyle and the other wives are just jealous..." What? Nobody is ever jealous of Camille. You deal with that until you no longer have to. Its not fun.

So, that brings me to my life lesson...
Don't be a Camille. Kelsey Grammer will leave you. And you'll be that awkward one at the Andy Cohen reunion special that nobody wants to sit with on the couch.

A deep thought, followed by other shallow ones.

I don't expect many deep things to go up on my blog, ever. Or come out of my mouth for that matter in real life conversation. In the past few years, as at least EC has attested to, I have turned from one of those people who is just plain uncomfortable with emotions, into one of those people who actually feels things once in awhile. A closer degree of normal. Along with my stone cold exterior, I had an interior to match that never quite went away. I had boyfriends and dated and talked to people that I didn't care about, they were boring, they annoyed me, but I felt like I needed some name to fit a role and fill in a blank once in awhile. These were people I got bored of, pushed away, straight up ignored, and was kind of my own little single at the same time. It has taken a lot of thought over the past week into what I wanted to say in this entry, whether I wanted to write it and get all...personal. But I decided to go there. A majority of it was like, the last post made it look like I was over someone because they knew other people. Let's just say, I am not (that) retarded. Shocked, I was, red flag, maybe; but it wasn't the end-all be-all.

This all started on my birthday, my 23rd birthday, which was on a Tuesday. I celebrated the weekend before with friends at the beach, and a 23rd birthday on a Tuesday felt really old and not exciting. I was planning pretty much on doing nothing. I took the day off so that people wouldn't put me in a bad mood at work on my birthday. I had work tests that Monday and had studied. That night this guy texted me and asked if I wanted to hang out, or if I was doing anything for my birthday that night. I'd talked to him that weekend when I was at the beach for the first time in a really long while. This was a person I had known since the first week of freshman year of college. He lived with my first serious boyfriend (aka my "married" stage) and randomly contacted me at the beginning of senior year. He always tried to take me out or whatever, but I always had something else going on. Over the years our friendship manifested as "that guy" I would talk to about like "what is my bf thinking" or "why is this girl so gay to me at social functions." When we were 21, he started buying me drinks at functions instead of his dates. So then I had like, a date buying me stuff, and him buying it. Looking back on it, such is my life, epic. When I was a senior and got in a big fight with friends and bf at the same time, he took me to Bojangles and promised to still be my friend, even if I had no others. Last year when I was out with a guy from work, Best, her future stalker, EC, and various fratstars I had known for the duration of my undergrad, he showed up with them and called me after to make sure I was okay and told me it was good to see me. It was like, I was at Cookout, my phone rang, and in my confusion as to why he was calling I probably almost got hit by a car and like left by my traveling party, not to mention burned my tongue on a french fry.

Anyways on the night of that Monday, we made plans to hang out. Drank a couple beers on my back deck at my old house (house reminiscent entry coming soon), and wound up talking for a long time. Subsequently since I was a wreck about turning 23 and moving into being "old" (I understand this was dumb) he was like "well I will stick around till at least midnight so that nothing happens."

This birthday turned into dating. Which turned into the ups and downs of another relationship I was not looking for, but I fell into. The month before I think I literally said to someone, "It would have to fall into my lap for me to want to date anyone right now." This whole picture was different though, it was the first one where I didn't see myself getting bored. I don't think I saw it not working out, and I think he kind of felt the same way. We brought up futures, places to live, jobs to have, trips to take. We had a break, bumps in the road, a crazy ex girlfriend situation, all of that. It wasn't until last weekend that I really realized it wouldn't work. I have thought all week since, what would have happened if I had just kept him as a friend.

It all started with a random comment he made at dinner about how "you and your friends were always too cool for me" which like, yeah in college I think I had deemed myself and my friends really cool at some point, but I didn't think that translated. I felt bad that I had made this friend think I was too cool at any point. It was a weird feeling. Beyond that, we had fun. Then circa late o'clock we were eating somewhere else before going home, and he got into these self-depreciative things. It pretty much started with "You're too pretty for me" and ended with "Well I forgot to tell you I am never getting married, so I'm sorry you've been wasting your time." I think my facial expression was something like that really confused face Kelly K. Bensimon had on RHONYC when Bethenny said something was seriously wrong with her (see image at top of entry). That was not the point. Ever. It was then really over when the waitress commented on my lack of eating my food/appetite and he says, "yeah, she never has an appetite." What. Blow me.

This whole thing goes back to that thing my mom and one of my best friends, CCF, always says, "If you're not happy with yourself, you can't try to be happy with someone else." Clearly, there is a missing link here. A growing up thing, experiences I have had in my one year working, and he is only starting now. It really hit me. There was speculation, but at that point it just was there. The elephant in the room sat down next to me and put it's arm on my shoulder. It's really sad to realize that this won't, and cannot work. I'm older, looking for other things, and apparently have done some sort of irreparable damage to this person's ego over several years. Or something that I was not aware of. And he really isn't the cocky bastard I always thought he was, and that's kind of what I look for. Someone's weird confidence to match mine. It's just a matter of getting along.

But I think the bottom line is that I miss my friend. The real "stupid girl" type shit I was doing was because this is a person I have known longer than most of my best friends, someone I could turn to with a problem or duck off with and have an epic two way conversation at a mundane event we were attending. Someone who bought me Bojangles one time for no reason and gave up their Saturday night to go to a movie and watch tv with me when I had the dreaded Mono. I am kind of hoping we can be friends. I don't know what friendly activities we can participate in, but hey, if he wants to acknowledge my presence in a room or group of people, that would be a start. Baby steps.

Anyways that's deep thoughts for you now. More shallow ones are on tap to follow.

Life lessons - Hire people

This year we were forced to move from a wonderful house (that was sold to a new owner) to an apartment for 3 people. Despite issues with maintenance and insects that had to be resolved in the place, which was highly recommended by several friends, it seems to now be working out okay. I really hated the thought of moving and felt I was entitled to movers, so I hired them. Best life decision. They give you boxes, and they are free. I rode around with them for a few solid days in my car with the seat folded down, but they were free, and mine. As pictured below, they give you tall boxes for all of your hanging clothes. So you don't have to like rip them out of your closet, throw them in a car, have them go errywhere, and then awkwardly make 10 trips to your car from your new place to get all of your things. I also seem to have alot of clothes...
Oh yeah, and movers move things for you. You kind of get everything ready, then you sit and watch as within a matter of 15 minutes they have most of your things in a truck and ready to go. Then the same thing happens when they are unloading. All of a sudden your things are there, and its done.




I think this was the most adult decision I've made next to buying my car and deciding to go back to school. And really when it comes down to it, if you hate doing manual labor as much as I do, get someone to do it for you. You, your family, and the people who you would have forced into helping you will all appreciate it.

the bullshit deer.

Last night I went to see John Mayer live, and I was really impressed with his show.
Pretty much he is an amazing musician and I just feel like he and I would be BFF, and I really also think he needs to write a book. SW, who invited me out agreed, and he apparently doles out advice and real world thoughts at all of his shows.

The Bullshit Deer (I'm paraphrasing)
So you know those things that back when you were 21, 22, took you like 3 years to figure out? It would be like 'Hey! This looks like a great idea!' and then you know, 3 years later you realize it wasn't. It was complete bullshit. What you have to do is treat that idea like a deer, and you have to tag it as bullshit. That way when you see it coming back around you just know, you've already identified it as bullshit. You will not acknowledge this idea. Someone will be like 'Hey John! This could be great!' and you'll just be like 'Ohhhh no, I know you, you're the bullshit deer. This is a horrible idea. Go away!'


And so last night I actually got to tell that story, and luckily the person I was sharing this story with realized they were indeed the bullshit deer. SW and I are currently working on stickers or shirts so we may be able to actually tag these things. I figure it will save other people some trouble.

Also, please note our amazing seats! Really one of the best shows I've been to in awhile.
(photo via BlackBerry)

The best way to say something...

I have done alot of growing up over the past four years, and one of those things is just learning how to conduct yourself, generally. One of the most important things you learn as a woman, is sometimes the best way to say something is to not say it at all. Yes, sometimes it is important to express your opinions and feelings, when it is appropriate. Trust I am not a woman for complete silence and that whole "seen but not heard thing" but there are certain situations where its best just to not talk.

I think the most important lesson to learn is this:
If you have to sit down and actually say "I'm better than you!" to someone, you are not.

You really have to take the high road. I personally think that doesn't make you weak, it actually prevents you looking crazy. Let's take two real life examples (I will summarize)...

Scenario 1: So here is a generic situation. This guy breaks up with you, and you are mad. You do start thinking about it, and in the end, maybe he wasn't the best for you. Though you are still annoyed and you do still think he is a douche, it's probably best not to tell him that. Just think about the person on the receiving end...if someone completely blew up at you and explained what a horrible jackass you think they are, you show that you have alot of power to make them upset. People like power, they may actually be impressed at the power they have. You feed them. That is not the object. Take the high road, don't say anything. Again, put yourself in their shoes, if you just didn't hear from a person again (after you were a retard) until you saw or heard from them in an amicable situation, you would think more highly of them. And possibly even clearly see them as the bigger person.
Please also note, if you Facebook chat your ex boyfriend who broke up with you 3 months ago to let them know you're the bigger person and that they're an asshole, you should get your head checked. You are not too good for them, you're the exact opposite. You have a problem, and you are causing problems for those around you. Get help. And girls, if you have a friend like this, help her. "Friendervention" as they say in SATC2...she will thank you one day.


Scenario 2: A more personal experience that I thought about recently. This was kind of like a Jill and Bethenny situation, only homegirl and I were definitely not friends first. Pretty much she started dating someone I had been in a long term relationship with previously. I broke up with him. I could care less who he was dating, and actually I didn't want him in my life. He pulled psycho things like I mentioned in Scenario 1 (see above) and basically I just wanted him to leave me be. So this girl sent me some sort of Facebook courtesy message after there were 1800 photos of them together and awkward sexual wallposts basically saying "hey girl, im dating *****, I hope you don't mind! ttyl! love ya!"
I believe I sent something back to the effect of "Hey, thats cool, he is not a part of my life, I don't care. I hope yall are good together. Kind of think this message was unnecessary, if you felt the need to talk to me about it, it should have been done in person."
That was all. Within three days it turned into this girl telling our whole sorority house I was sending her and my ex boyfriend consistent hate messages, that I had cheated on him, that I threatened her...blah blah blah. I had friends who heard this on a regular basis living in the house, they told me, I was boiling angry. I just remember thinking that I had to take the high road. And I did. I never said anything to that girl, I didn't sit around and trash her character like she chose to sit around and trash mine. It wasn't worth it...what exactly would that prove? And also, the entire time she was running around raving like an idiot, nobody really believed her. At all. I didn't lose any friends at all, she did not become part of the clique she was gearing towards, because they were my friends. They thought she was crazy.
Where do we stand now? All of her friends seem to really like me, and we hang out...and she can't say hi to me in public.
Now I do joke about the fact that I should tell her she needs a nosejob or something, and given the circumstance, I could see it happening if the time was right. But really, that's mostly a joke.

So in the end, who wins...Jill or Bethenny?
I'll give you a hint, I also happen to think pointing is kind of rude too.